Wednesday, May 26, 2010

RTT: I know it's Wednesday, but I've got a good excuse.


Yesterday there was no time for bloggity blogging because it was IMMUNIZATION DAY. Since BB is now two months old (that's all?!) it was time for her first round. That meant dealing with a visit to the doctor )which took longer than expected) and a fussy baby for the rest of the afternoon--and into the wee morning hours.

Let me just say that I HATE it when she cries big old tears of sadness. You know--the genuine, real, "Mommy, save me!" kind of tears that make ME want to cry. God, it just breaks my heart in half. And those were the tears she cried while being poked by three GINORMOUS needles, as well as the tears she continued to cry while she SCREAMED last night after waking up from her needle-trauma-induced coma she'd fallen into once we got home. Of course, this completely fucked up her bed time so it was 2:30 AM before she finally went back to sleep. Luckily, Mr. Clean dealt with her (because I made him) from 10 PM until about 2 AM while I napped so that I wouldn't be a sleep-deprived zombie when I took over. Luckily she zonked back out although it required me to allow her to sleep in the bouncy and not the crib. But you know what? I could give a shit. She was so fucked up and sore and scared that I was going to do anything to (a) comfort her and (b) get some damn sleep myself.

That brings me to my next thought which is that we are probably, finally, mostly in a routine! The past few days she has been waking up around 7 AM, taking a power nap from around 11 AM to 1 PM, taking another short nap or two in the afternoon, and going to bed around 11 PM (with the obvious exception of yesterday).

Oh, back to the doctor, since I'm thinking about it. I asked about her eczema and he confirmed that's what it is. He recommended keeping her skin very moisturized (done and done) and said he usually recommends Eucerine Baby but said the Aveeno Baby is probably fine as long as it's thick and creamy. (Which it is.) I've decided to stick with it since it's worked so well thus far. Her elbows look a million times better and so does the rest of her skin.  (Did you hear that, Aveeno? I think that's worthy of a free tube, don't you?) He also said that if the eczema patches flare up, which they tend to when she gets heat rash, then I can use Cortizone cream. He recommended Cortizone 5 for her face and private areas and Cortizone 10 for the other areas. (The 5 stands for 0.5% of the active ingredient and 10 stands for 1.0, so it's a little more potent which is why it shouldn't go on sensitive areas.)

Which brings me to the next item: Costco. That place is great but sometimes it's a little ridiculous. Case in point: I spotted the Kirkland Cortizone 10 cream and it was a spankin' good deal, so I swooped up a box. My assumption was that there were two tubes in the box. Oh, no. I mean, it's Costco after all. There were FOUR tubes of the stuff in there. FOUR. What the fuck am I going to do with FOUR tubes of Cortizone cream? Sheesh. So now there's a tube in each diaper bag (yes, we have two), one in her room, and one in our bathroom. I've got the stuff coming out of my ears.

That's all the random I have time for today. Somebody is awake. At least her feet (Feet! What are those? Oh my goodness, they are SO COOL! I can point them and stretch them an stuff!) and hands (Hands! These are awesome! And I can fit them in my mouth! Oh, yum!) are keeping her occupied...for now.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Snookie *wishes* she could poop like BB

In light of recent poopy events, including--but certainly not limited to--The Poo-pocalypse (I have spared you from the other nasty poo stories. You're welcome.), I have decided that Baby Bano is a truly crap-tacular, poo-mazing little lady and needs a poo-themed nickname.

Are you ready for it? I'm pretty impressed with myself on this one...

"The Shit-uation."

Fist pump!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Poo-pocalypse

So there I was, minding my own business. (Actually, I'm pretty sure I was washing bottles.) Baby Bano was squirming more than usual in her bouncy chair, but seemed perfectly content. When I finished minding my own business washing bottles, (which I have to do, like, 500 times a day, thankyouverymuch) I walked over to pick up my beautiful baby girl...and I could SMELL the poo. (In case you didn't know, baby poop does NOT smell beautiful.)

Me: "Oh, you need a diaper change, huh poopy pants?"

BB: "Gurgle." Loving smile. DECEPTION.

Me: (picking her up) "Dang, you stink!" And then...(gagging) "Holy shit! You pooped EVERYWHERE! Oh, Christ, it's even up your leg! Ugghhhhhhhhh! Oh, fuck, it's on my ARM!" (More loud, indecipherable noises of disgust coming from me.)

Boo Boo approaches the bouncy around this time, sniffing, trying (like me) to figure out what the HELL just happened. And of course I freaked out because I was just SURE she was going to try to lick and/or eat the poo, which was ALL OVER in BB's bouncy seat. (I am so glad those things are washable.) So now I've got my arms full of poopy infant, poop ON my arm, and I'm trying to keep the dog away from the chunky yellow river of shit in the chair.  (Whoever said motherhood is "difficult" was severely underestimating the entire experience.)

Luckily, Boo Boo's interest in the poop quickly vanished and I dashed into BB's room, using my un-poop-smeared arm to grab a blanket to put under her on the changing table, and proceeded to wipe her down, wipe MYSELF down, wipe her butt, and change her diaper and her clothes. Once I'd accomplished this (about 10 or so baby wipes later), I had to figure out what the hell to do with BB while I cleaned up the gag-inducing mess in her chair. Luckily, we have an extra that we weren't sure we needed but has now proven its existence as necessary. So BB got to sit, gurgle, and smile (BETRAYAL!) while I used another 10 wipes to get the chunks out of the seat, ripped the cover off, loaded it up with Spray N' Wash, and prayed that it wouldn't stain. (It didn't. Spray N' Wash is the bomb.) (Dear Spray N' Wash, please send me some bottles of your fabulous product for giving it a plug. Aveeno hasn't come through yet so maybe you can set the example.)

What's scary is that I know--KNOW--this will happen again. Probably many times.

(SEVERELY underestimated. Seriously.)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Only a string of expletives can convey my admiration.

Oh. My. GOD. Have you read this shit? And by shit, I mean AWESOMENESS! Holy fuck, this chick is hi-fucking-LARIOUS. How the fuck did I NOT know about this? Why have you people been keeping this from me?! Someone--one of YOU--must have known about it. BAH!

It's okay. I choose to forgive you because BB is sleeping (!!!) and happiness (COFFEE) is flowing through my veins.

Maybe too much coffee.


Anyway, you should really go read it. Hours of entertainment awaits!

Monday, May 17, 2010

I hope you wake up when I flush the toilet.

Lately when I get up in the middle of the night with Baby Bano, a resentment begins brewing as soon as I hear her cry. And no, it's not aimed at BB. It's a deep-seeded spite that I feel toward Mr. Clean. Because while he is STILL SLEEPING, I am cleaning up baby poop or feeding BB while I practically nod off with her in my arms. (Okay, I have nodded off. But she's not going anywhere. The Boppy makes sure of it.) (Besides, it's only for a sec because the rocker has zero neck support. It's probably a good thing.)

Look, I took on the role of midnight baby manager fully knowing that it would suck ass. And it totally does. However, I just can't help but want to wake Mr. Clean up too. I mean, why should he get to keep peacefully slumbering away while I have to WAKE UP for the umpteenth time? I WANT HIM TO SUFFER, TOO. For a split second each night, just after the cries begin and I realize I am the one that has to get up, I fucking loathe him. Just for a second. (Don't judge me. You try getting up every 2-3 hours with a baby, sans help, and see how you feel about your spouse.) (Just sayin'.) Yes, I realize I am kind of a bitch in this case. I own it.

Last night I had to fight the urge to leave the bedroom door open while I watched TV and fed BB in her room (which is right across the hall in our very modest home) and resist the impulse to turn up the volume just a bit more. I had to abstain from leaving the master bathroom door open while I turned on the light and later when I flushed. (I suppose I need to inform you that it's not hard to wake Mr. Clean up. He is generally a pretty light sleeper.) (Unless he's had a beer or two. Then it's pretty impossible to wake his ass up.) And I had to fight the immediate desire to smack him awake so HE could take over when she woke up only two hours later.

To his credit, Mr. Clean does tend to her early-morning needs on the weekends. But there are only two of those days. I have to do it FIVE days a week. And I still have to do it on the weekends. Just not EVERY time on the weekends. And he does let me go to sleep early most nights (meaning I go to bed around nine and he stays up with BB until around eleven) so it's easier for me to get up with her later. It's very kind. But I'm still pissed at him when I have to wake up. I don't foresee it changing anytime soon.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

better haBITS

Okay, I'm trying to be clever here with a title for my weight loss posts but I'm not sure how I like it. Yay? Nay? Suggestions?


As I previously posted, I'd like to lose the baby weight. I think I declared I was going to exercise three times that week. Um. Yeah. About that. Didn't happen. And last week I exercised...(drum roll, please)...once. For a whole 20 minutes. And I was sore the next day. So very, very sad.

I think I'll try a weekly post about how things are going and really lay it ALL out on the line: what I've been eating (food journal, perhaps?), my exercise (or lack thereof), etc. Sundays may be the best day to do this since I'll have a week's worth of stuff to post.

Hold me accountable, people. And if you're a lurker, COMMENT. Keep my fat ass in check! :) The more, the merrier. In fact, if you're going through the same thing, perhaps we can do something like HASAY up in here? (It was canceled before I could join. Bummer.) And if I figure out how, we can link up and all that crap. (Someone will have to show me, I'm sure of it. Blogger is a bit more complicated than I have patience for.)

Let the better haBITS begin!

Crib Notes

Grandma and Grandpa Bano came to visit this evening. Baby Bano fell asleep so, once they left, I took the opportunity to put her in her crib. (After being lightly scolded by G&G Bano for still letting her sleep in her bouncy.) (High school all over again. Except I didn't have a baby in high school.) (But you get my point.)

After I put her down, I went to bed. Mr. Clean decided to stay up because he's incapable of sleeping before 11 PM on weekdays and 12 AM on weekends, despite the fact that I KNOW he's incredibly tired. But he likes to wind down with some television and internet surfing, so it really is a win-win situation. I sleep, he relaxes. No complaints here. Except that I asked him to keep her in the crib. And he didn't.

Granted she did wake up about 15 minutes after I put her down. (She has a lot more freedom in the crib and I think it just kind of feels weird to her.) I figured he'd try to put her back down in the crib though. Nope. At whatever o'clock when he came to bed, he set her next to me on the the bouncy. Of course, I was basically still asleep so I just let it go. I mean, it's SLEEP, people! Moms, you know what I mean.

She woke up about 3 AM (I'd already woken up at 2:30 AM with profusely leaking boobs, having not pumped for several blissful hours OF SLEEP, so I was still awake from pumping anyway) and I took the opportunity to feed her and then put her IN HER CRIB where she is now. Making noise. And then quiet. And then more noise. (Noise of choice is grunting. Lots of grunting.)

Right now it's quiet. Hopefully it stays that way because we've been going at this for about 45 minutes. Luckily there hasn't been any crying. Yet. (I'm sure I've jinxed myself here. Way to go, Bano.)

At least I can play Farmville while I wait it out.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


I am about 99.9% sure that Baby has baby eczema. She's had a little rash and at first we were pretty certain it was a prickly heat rash. And really, it probably was. But lately she's been getting some of that scaly skin and red bumps--the stuff associated with baby eczema.

Poor thing--yesterday it flared up so bad that I became pretty worried. I hate going to the doctor for something that I can treat at home, so I did some research before calling for an emergency appointment. Turns out that there are a lot of things I can do to remedy the problem. Some things include:
  • lukewarm baths every night
  • using a very mild, fragrance-free soap at the very end of bath time
  • moisturizing her skin right after the bath
  • switching to a fragrance- and dye-free detergent
We tried the first three last night and it worked wonders. We happened to have been given some Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Moisture Cream. I read the front for the first time last night and realized that it actually says RIGHT THERE ON THE FRONT that it helps "soothe and relieve the dryness eczema creates." And you know what? That shit WORKS. About ten minutes after applying the lotion, I noticed a HUGE difference in the redness and protrusion of the bumps. A lot of the bumps went away and the redness toned down by, oh, at least 80%. Her little elbows, which had it the worst and had been really red and bumpy were almost completely back to the normal color. There is still some bumpiness of course, but the texture is smoother and things are looking waaaay better.

(Dear Aveeno, you can send some free tubes of lotion for plugging your amazing product. I won't say no. I'll even do a giveaway. Just keep it in mind. No pressure.)

My sister, SIL, mother, grandfather-in-law, and probably some other family members I'm not aware of, all have eczema. Mr. Clean has allergies. Apparently having close family members with either of those conditions, or with asthma, can mean that it will be passed on to baby. Poor little girl never stood a chance!

I will keep you updated and let you know how this whole eczema thing goes. She has her two month appointment in two weeks. (Really? She's only like six weeks old? I swear she's older. Maybe like 4 or something.) (Okay, obviously not but you know what I mean. I've been home with her for a long time. The days run together. It feels like I've been here taking care of her for a LOT longer than six measly weeks.) Hopefully we've managed to get her delicate little ass regulated by then.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Oh, my leaking boobs.

My boobs leak like a couple of sieves! If I don't pump every three hours and instead wait maybe six hours (you know, to SLEEP like a normal person, in between feedings), the pads are FULL. And I have one boob that leaks about twice the amount of the other. What's with that? I'm going through breast pads faster than she's going through diapers!

What's worse, if I hold her and haven't pumped in a while, they leak under my bra because the pads are full and then my shirt gets soaked. I've even had nights where I woke up not because she woke me up, but because my right boob leaked ALL OVER in bed. (That's the boob that leaks double. It also produces about an ounce more, on average, when I pump. I have no idea why.) Sometimes I'll go through a couple shirts in a day due to leakage. (Luckily I'm at home. Can you imagine what a pain in the ass this would be if I'd had to return to work?)

In late June I'll be helping with a volleyball camp at the high school I coach at. It's an all day event for four days, and I'm trying to figure out how to make it work, what with my boobs being like pin-pricked water balloons and all. The few options I have aren't very appealing. I can rush over to my grandparents' place during lunch (they live just down the street from the high school) and pump then, or I can try locking myself in the bathroom and pumping there. I have a car adapter but I think I might get arrested if I try pumping in the school parking lot. That probably wouldn't go over well.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


(Thank Goodness For Nap Time)

Baby is passed out for a mega-nap IN HER CRIB. The reason for caps? We've been letting her sleep in her bouncy chair pretty much all the time so the transition to the crib has been, well...a transition. She doesn't hate the crib but she's not used to it. Plus, if she had her way, she'd sleep on my chest or Mr. Clean's and not anywhere else.

Shit. I jinxed myself. There she goes...

At least I got 15 minutes out of her. Maybe she'll go back to sleep. It was just a little cry. And now she's quiet again...


Apparently she just needed the mute button, AKA the pacifier. (The usual terms are mute button and binky.)

Let's see how many more minutes the button just bought me. Let the countdown begin.

Hmmm, back to what I was trying to say. (Have you noticed that babies make you lose your point a lot more often than you did when you were baby-less? My god, I can't have a straightforward thought or conversation to save my life. My thoughts wander to other things, mini-topics about my main topic, and I get lost. Which I'm doing right now. Damn.) Oh yes, the crib. The bouncy chair. Well, it started because Baby was having issues breathing after feeding. Her little nose would get kind of plugged and she sounded more like a pig than a human because it caused her to snort incessantly. Having her sleep upright in the bouncy chair seemed to help quite a bit. And besides that, it's so easy to tote from room to room with that convenient handle.

But now, now that she has a normal human nose and not the teeniest, tiniest little nasal passages I've ever seen, because her nose has finally unsquished (you know, because at first they're all freaking smushed from being inside the womb and all) and she can breathe just fine after pounding back a bottle, I want her to sleep in the crib. I mean, that sucker was expensive. (Not that I paid for it. Grandma and Grandpa Bano paid for it. Because Grandma Bano can't help but buy everything she even thinks that Baby needs. But still.) And besides, at some point she will outgrow the bouncy chair and then where would we be? I mean, I don't want her to be a toddler trying to take a nap in that thing.

She's still asleep. In the crib. Thank god for the mute button. How do I know she's still asleep and not just lying awake in wait, ready to scream any second? Because I just checked. Which leads to the downside to having her in the crib: I can't see her. Sheesh, no wonder people co-sleep with their kids. I check on her every ten minutes. I'm one of THOSE moms. But at least she's in the crib and not in my bed. (I was warned by many a mom that let their babies into their beds that it was a bad idea. Glad I listened.) Besides, there's barely enough room for me, Mr. Clean and Boo Boo in the queen bed. Adding a fourth to the mix would require a bed upgrade that I don't have the money or the space for.

And speaking of money, why didn't anyone warn me that babies COST A FORTUNE?! Costco is getting even spendier lately, what with buying a box of diapers every few weeks and buying wipes only slightly less often. And the hospital bills--OH MY GOD. Let's just say that I am VERY glad that I am a teacher and have FABULOUS heath care insurance. How to people without it have babies? My insurance covers 90% which is UH-MAZING because a lot of people I know only have 80% coverage and many also have an out-of-pocket deductible to begin with. I may not make a ton of money as a teacher, but the heath coverage is worth it.

Shit. Mute button is out. Better take care of business. (I'm guessing there's some business in her diaper, too. Ah, joy.)