Lately when I get up in the middle of the night with Baby Bano, a resentment begins brewing as soon as I hear her cry. And no, it's not aimed at BB. It's a deep-seeded spite that I feel toward Mr. Clean. Because while he is STILL SLEEPING, I am cleaning up baby poop or feeding BB while I practically nod off with her in my arms. (Okay, I have nodded off. But she's not going anywhere. The Boppy makes sure of it.) (Besides, it's only for a sec because the rocker has zero neck support. It's probably a good thing.)
Look, I took on the role of midnight baby manager fully knowing that it would suck ass. And it totally does. However, I just can't help but want to wake Mr. Clean up too. I mean, why should he get to keep peacefully slumbering away while I have to WAKE UP for the umpteenth time? I WANT HIM TO SUFFER, TOO. For a split second each night, just after the cries begin and I realize I am the one that has to get up, I fucking loathe him. Just for a second. (Don't judge me. You try getting up every 2-3 hours with a baby, sans help, and see how you feel about your spouse.) (Just sayin'.) Yes, I realize I am kind of a bitch in this case. I own it.
Last night I had to fight the urge to leave the bedroom door open while I watched TV and fed BB in her room (which is right across the hall in our very modest home) and resist the impulse to turn up the volume just a bit more. I had to abstain from leaving the master bathroom door open while I turned on the light and later when I flushed. (I suppose I need to inform you that it's not hard to wake Mr. Clean up. He is generally a pretty light sleeper.) (Unless he's had a beer or two. Then it's pretty impossible to wake his ass up.) And I had to fight the immediate desire to smack him awake so HE could take over when she woke up only two hours later.
To his credit, Mr. Clean does tend to her early-morning needs on the weekends. But there are only two of those days. I have to do it FIVE days a week. And I still have to do it on the weekends. Just not EVERY time on the weekends. And he does let me go to sleep early most nights (meaning I go to bed around nine and he stays up with BB until around eleven) so it's easier for me to get up with her later. It's very kind. But I'm still pissed at him when I have to wake up. I don't foresee it changing anytime soon.
Monday, May 17, 2010
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3 comments:
Oh, the memories this brings up.
It's okay to be pissed off. In the moment. If you're pissed months later after BB has already started sleeping through the night, then it might be one-sided. :-)
So funny...because it's so true. This seems to be a pretty typical theme in homes everywhere...men just sleep through the crying...or pretend to, while mommy gets up to care for the baby. FYI, it doesn't change even as they get older, then there are the nights they wake up sick.
It's exhausting having newborns and not sleeping and it ALWAYS leads to resentment. It's not just you. We finally settled on an every other night schedule so we take turns getting up with the kids and one person gets a full night of sleep every other night. It works. So what if my husband has to work in the morning, so do I, kids are work.
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