She's a maniac, maaaaniac on the floor. And she's eating like she's never eaten before...

Baby Bano is eating like a MANIAC! Good lord, she's hungry every hour--HOUR!!!--and eats an entire 4 oz bottle. My boobs can't keep up with that! Whose can? (Maybe Wonder Woman. Does she have Wonder Boobs and Wonder Milk? Where can I get some?)

So today, I decided: it's time for rice.

The pediatrician had suggested starting the rice at 4 months, but he obviously had no idea that I would be giving birth to a baby with a black hole for a stomach. (I think she's on the right track to become a competitive eater.) And obviously that black hole developed over time because she wouldn't eat when I first gave birth to her.

Because I am one of those moms, I got her the organic rice. I figure for another dollar and change, I'll spare her the pesticides. I used to think organic was a little silly but I recently read the article (haven't we all by now?) that shows a link between pesticides and ADHD. Mr. Clean and I are pretty "chill" people, and having a kid with ADHD might break down the few wits we still have about us.  (I've discovered you lose many of your wits once you give birth. I think newborns absorb them through their skin when you hold them or something.)

Feeding BB the rice was a little tricky, but we figured out that the bottle method is much easier than the spoon method. This was all trial-and-error, with mostly error. First I tried mixing the rice and breast milk in a dish and using a baby spoon. She mostly pushed it around her mouth and out of her mouth. Hmmm. So the next attempt was to use a Nuk bottle with a #2 nipple, with the theory that the opening was large enough for the rice to fit through. (The mixture was mostly milk and only a bit of rice.) And the theory was correct, but BB was all like, "What that fuck is that? Because I only drink from Dr. Brown's bottles and this is NOT a Dr. Brown's bottle. Get that shit out of my mouth." (She's got a mouth like a trucker already.) (She takes after her mother.) Plus, she was practically drowning because the milk/rice mixture was essentially pouring out the the #2 nipple. So we crossed that method off the list pretty quickly.

The final method (which we only got to try for about five seconds because she was PISSED OFF at this point) was to have her drink the thin mixture through the Dr. Brown's bottle. (We may need to get the #2 nipples though.) I have NO idea if it worked because she basically told me to fuck off again. (It went something like, "Mom, quit fucking with me! I am TIRED and you keep trying to feed me this weird shit and all I want to do is sleeeeeep!" But it sounded more like "Waaah!" Scream. "Wah, ahhhhh!" Scream, sob, etc.) Luckily, she was so tired that once a pacifier was administered, she pretty much passed out from all the effort.

My theory is that I'll add a tablespoon of rice to her bottle in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one before bed. My theories about this kind of stuff usually suck though, so if you've got any other suggestions or advice, I'm all ears.