My fat ass is still here

Wow, being a SAHM is...boring. I'm sure part of it is due to the fact that Baby is still, well, a baby. It's not like she does much. Her basic functions are to eat, sleep and shart. She does play a little--we have a "gym" that she lays on and can swat at the toys that dangle from the arch above. (She was even trying to grab them today!) But there just isn't much going on, so there's not much to blog about. Sorry guys!

The one thing that I guess I could spend some time bitching about is my weight. Now that Baby is a month old, it's time to get back on the weight loss wagon. I was actually on it before Baby and had been doing really well. There was a contest I had entered and won at the gym I go to. It started last January (back in 2009) and ended in April. I managed to lose almost 20 pounds (and gain a lot of muscle) at the time. Then I lost about 7 more pounds before finding out I was pregnant July of 2009. Now, after having Baby, I'm pretty much back to the weight I was at before I started the gym contest. This is good in a way because it means I've lost around 25-30 pounds since I had her. It just sucks because I feel like I'm starting all over again. ARGH.

When I was on the wagon, I was really on it. I exercised 5-6 days a week and was eating clean. (Eating clean is when you are eating whole foods--nothing processed or refined.)  I know I'm not going to be able to jump right back in and pick up where I left off but I want to get started. For me, the first step is always getting the exercise into my routine. Once I get that established, eating correctly (and not stuffing my face with everything possible) usually follows easily because I don't want to screw up and basically cancel out the exercise.

This week my goal is to work out at least three times. I think that's a reasonable goal to start with. I'm not willing to impose any other restrictions on myself at this time because who knows what's to come. Things are different now with Baby in the mix and I know I can't just hop off to the gym any time I please, but I miss the way I felt when I was exercising and eating well. It's going to be a process to get back to that point, that's for sure. Wish me luck!

I give in...

Okay, I know you want to see her so...

Here are a couple of pictures of Baby. They're "old" now, because I took them when she was about two weeks old and she's now FOUR weeks old. Holy crap, where did the time go?

(Major bonus: Only five more months of pumping!!!)

(Downside: I still have five more months of pumping. My nips are killing me. That's probably TMI, but that's why you come here.)

Okay...pics...

I realize she looks a little cross-eyed in the second pic, but I can assure your her eyes are normal...and BLUE! I'm sooo glad she got Mr. Clean's blue eyes. I know that babies usually have blue eyes to start out with, but hers seem to keep lightening and don't seem to be turning brown, so my fingers are crossed that I'm right on this one.

(She did manage to get his nose. Did I already say this somewhere? I know I told you I was hoping it wouldn't happen. Well, it did. But it doesn't look too bad. Not that it could look bad. She's freaking adorable. Hopefully it's a mild version of his nose. That would be manageable.)

This week's mission is to look into getting daycare lined up. I'll have to return to work a little early because I coach high school volleyball in the fall. Tryouts start a couple weeks before school starts, so I have to start taking her in early August. Apparently it's VERY hard to get a spot for an infant, so I need to get myself on a waiting list or two right now. I don't even want to think about how much it's gonna cost. Ugh. Luckily Mr. Clean is getting some overtime at work.

Okay, time to go make some coffee and become half human upon its consumption. I'm swooning just thinking about it.

I love the Zappos.com commercials. They're so clever and funny. I actually laugh out loud at them. (It's the little things. I'm easy to please.)

RTT: Multitasking Mommy

I'm ready for Random Tuesday Thoughts, once again! Nice to be back in the swing of bloggy-things...

• I'm learning to type one-handed so I can hold Baby and blog at the same time. It's a slower process but it cuts down on the fussing. Not that she really fusses too much. Luckily. (Knock on wood.)
• Baby is relatively easy-going. She only cries when she's really super hungry or needs to be changed after a nice big shart. (I'm pretty sure she's usually screaming something along the lines of Feed me, bitch! or Change me, bitch!)
• I just fed her and she looks high. Apparently breast milk is her drug of choice. "Intervention," here we come.
• Glee is on tonight!!! Enough said. If you're not a Gleek, you can't understand and I don't expect you to.
• I'm debating on whether or not to post pictures of Baby. I am trying to keep things pretty anonymous on here and posting pictures will definitely hinder that. However, I know you guys would like to see her. (And she really is freaking cute.) Sigh...
• Anyone watch Dexter?  I am a big Dexter fan. When the latest season was on, I kept up with the episodes via On Demand. Then I neglected to watch the last two episodes until it was too late and they weren't on anymore. I was pissed. Luckily they brought the episodes back and I got to finish out the season...and holy crap, it was a doozy! (I won't ruin it in case you haven't seen it or intend to watch it someday.) I also really like True Blood, U.S. of Tara, and Nurse Jackie. (Nurse Jackie is freaking hilarious. This season is already impressing me, and we're only three episodes in. If you have Showtime, you have to check it out. And if you don't, rent season one. You won't be disappointed.)
• So Mr. Clean inquired about the blog...and is reading it as we speak. This should be interesting. 
• Boo Boo (the dog) and Baby are both sleeping. Boo Boo is in Mr. Clean's lap and it's just freaking adorable. I wish I had the camera.
• I bought Mederma for Stretch Marks. Actually Mr. Clean went and hunted the shit down and finally found it at Walgreens. I have a TON of the damn things on my belly now, thanks to Baby. They didn't appear until the last month of my pregnancy. I thought I was home free and then BAM, fucking stretch marks all over my belly.  I really hope it works because those fuckers are UGLY.

That's probably enough random for one day. My last post was pretty random too, so it's like a twofer this week. You are sooo welcome.

Welcome to Motherhood

• My boobs hurt. Pumping sucks. I'm sure it would be just as bad if she was breastfeeding. Oh, and the onset of mastitis, TWICE, fucking sucks as well. Apparently I HAVE to pump every three hours or my boobs will retaliate. Freaking A.
• She makes the cutest faces when she's sleeping. And when she's awake. She's just damn cute.
• She sure shits a lot. Actually, I should say that she sharts a lot. (For those of you not in the know, that's a cross between a shit and a fart.) My god, she is a super sharter. And she alsmost ALWAYS does it when I'm feeding her, so it reverberates through my lap. It has literally STARTLED me several times, it is that loud and powerful. (She gets if from her father. Oh, and she's doing it as I type this. Luckily she's in her bouncy chair. Hopefully it's not another blowout.)
• Only getting to sleep for about three consecutive hours max really blows. Everyone warned me but you can't possibly understand until it's really happening. 
• (I decided to change the diaper. There was no poop. Um...that's some SERIOUS gas kid!)
• Someone asked me if I'm surprised by how many diapers she goes through. No. I am surprised by the number of wipes we've already been through. It's a good thing we got the Costco crate.
• (Oh, she's sharting again. There's the poop I was looking for earlier. Man, that kid can really blow it out her butt.)

Well, time to go pump. Again. And then take a nap while Mr. Clean takes over Baby duty.

The Saga of Baby - The Scary Part

There is absolutely no way I could give every detail about the ensuing days in the hospital because I was sleep deprived and emotionally unstable, so here's a synopsis of the scary shit that happened next.

We ended up in the hospital for essentially three days after baby was born--24 hours is the standard for releasing mommies back into the wild with their newborns. At first it was just that the pediatrician thought she could use some extra recovery time. (I'd had a lot of drugs. Really good drugs.)

Then it turned into something else. She wouldn't freaking eat.

Mr. Clean and I are pigs. Well, that may be a slight over-exaggeration, but not by much. So how this kid came out and would not eat was baffling. I have a feeling it was in large part due to the drugs because she would simply fall asleep at my boob every time I tried to feed her. Most of the time she would latch but then she wouldn't suck. It was the weirdest thing and eventually it became a scary thing because she lost a lot of birth weight. Although it's typical to lose some, she lost too much--at least 10% is when the doctors become concerned. She went from 7lbs 13oz to 7lbs 0.6oz between Monday evening (when she was born) and Wednesday evening, when we were transferred to the pediatric unit of the hospital.

I have never been so emotional. It still makes me tear up and want to cry again just thinking about the whole thing. There were several nurses that were trying to help with breastfeeding from the get go, but all the "help" began to wear on me. Plus, several of the different nurses and lactation consultants were actually giving different instructions or advice, so it was overwhelming and confusing.

Once we'd been transferred to the pediatric unit, we were put on a routine where she had to eat every two hours. This meant I was to try breastfeeding for 30 minutes, then feed her formula if she wouldn't breastfeed (which she wouldn't...so bottle feeding took about 30 minutes), then I would have to pump for 15 minutes. After that I had to wash the pumping equipment and then maybe pee and get to squeeze in a 30 minute nap. We did that from about 9:00 p.m. Wednesday night to like 12:00 p.m. the next day. I was going out of my mind. However, in the back of my mind was I am NOT letting them put a feeding tube in you. Yes, the nurse and the doctor had mentioned this as a possibility if she wouldn't gain weight. No pressure or anything. Jesus, I was a mess when I heard that...and every time I let the possibility slip into the forefront of my mind.

Finally at some point on Thursday, one of the lactation consultants decided that feeding her every two hours and not getting any sleep was CRAZY and pushed it to every three hours. That may not seem like much, but it was a HUGE relief. I had been going on basically no sleep and so was Mr. Clean. We were EXHAUSTED and VERY EMOTIONAL and the nurses and doctors could tell. I think I got to nap for a whole hour at that point. It was glorious.

Thursday afternoon they weighed Baby again to see if she'd gained anything. We were on pins and needles. We wanted to take her home so badly--to get out of that god forsaken hospital and become real people again. And we desperately wanted to hear that she was healthy. (Doesn't every mom want to hear that?) The results...she'd gained 4.4 ounces in just 12 hours. We were ecstatic. Surely this had to mean we could go home! But we had to wait for the on call pediatrician to tell give us the final word.

Luckily, he agreed that she was ready to go home. Besides that, she needed to be out of his "dirty ward" with all the germs and unhealthy children. She was a healthy baby and didn't belong there anymore. HELL YES! We were going home!

Baby eats plenty now. My milk came in about day five, so we could stop supplementing with formula and give her breast milk. She still would not take the breast so I gave up and we bottle feed. (I have to pump which blows but I am willing to make the sacrifice for her cute little butt.) It's fine with me because it's so convenient, plus it also allows her to bond with Mr. Clean during feedings.  (He is so damn good with her. It's freaking adorable.) As proof of her chunkiness, she was at 8 lbs 6 oz at her two week visit and I am pretty sure she's gained plenty more since then.

And, as if on cue, guess who's hungry?

The Saga of Baby - Part Two of The Birth

Let's see...looks like I left off with wanting to take a poo and the nurse wanting me to practice pushing. Hmmm.

So, we got into position--mom holding one leg and Mr. Clean holding the other--and started pushing on the next contraction. (Mr. Clean did not "look under the hood," in case anyone is wondering. I think that was probably a wise decision on his part.)

Here was the nurse's reaction: "Wow, you're a really effective pusher!" She said this more than once during the first couple of pushes.

The problem with this? After two pushes (well, two sets I guess, since you push around 3 times per contraction) she was a little worried because I was TOO effective. Baby was COMING and the doctor was still moseying on over. Oops. So on the next contraction I was instructed to just relax and not push.

Luckily the doc arrived moments later. Have I told you that he reminds me of Chef on South Park? Big black guy with a deep voice, very relaxed and cool. Oh, and he looks like chef too! He even said something about getting "G'd up" and ready for the delivery. (My mom recalls this--I was a bit drugged out.)

(I have to digress a little here. Earlier in the day the doc didn't have time to come see me when he thought he would. My sister's quip? That he must be "busy saving the world, one vagina at a time." God she's hilarious.)

Back to pushing. Once the doc was G'd up and ready for me, I had to push maybe 4 or 5 more times--yes, really!--and wallah, a baby came out! Unfortunately, she decided to come out like superman in his "up, up and away" mode--one fist in the air. Guess what that meant for me? TEARING. Ugh. So I have stitches. DOWN THERE. Not fun. I think I already mentioned this meant minus points for Baby. (But she gets like +1,000,000 because she's so damn cute now.)

When she came out, it was kind of like having a bowling ball sitting on your abdomen for about 3 months and then someone finally takes it off.  Such a relief!

So Baby was here and healthy, but unfortunately things went downhill from there for a couple of days. That's coming next. (Don't worry too much--we are back on track and everything is all good in the 'hood now.)

The Saga of Baby - Part One of The Birth

The week Baby was born was CRAZY. That's the easiest way to describe it. If I had to use every adjective that would apply, we'd be here for a while.

I went in to the hospital Sunday evening under the impression that I was being given meds and then coming back on Monday. WRONG. They were giving me cervadil (sp?) and I was being ADMITTED. Oops. Luckily I had planned ahead and had Mr. Clean pack the car with everything we were going to bring anyway, just in case. It's a good thing I got that "just in case" gene from my mother. It came in handy.

Once I kind of settled into my room, we discovered I was beginning contractions on my own. I have a feeling that unexpectedly being admitted had something to do with it, but at least they didn't have to give me the meds to get things started. So they let me continue because I was making enough progress. I did start to get some anxiety and feeling shaky so they ended up giving me something to take the edge off. Remember how I was thinking I didn't want the narcotics? FUCK THAT. The drugs were awesome and allowed me to relax and get a little sleep.

Then they started the pitocin at 5 AM Monday. I started having stronger contractions and at one point was ready to KILL someone for my epi. They wanted me to be at least 3 cm dilated and I was only at about 1 1/2 or 2 so I had to wait about an hour. That last hour was excruciatingly painful. I remember trying to think of what to compare it to and somehow the best I could come up with is that it's like having the worst charlie horse of your life but it's stretched across your stomach and it's about a thousand times more painful. Anyway, after an hour the nurse checked me again and I was so close that stretched me to 3 so I could finally get numbed up.

Getting the epi was interesting and irritating. The anesthesiologist tried to administer it while I was lying down on my side but it was too difficult for him to find the right spot so I had to sit up. Plus, I had to be PERFECTLY STILL while he was poking me a thousand times in the back AND I was having ridiculously strong contractions. I don't know how I did it, but I did (Mr. Clean was very helpful and supportive during the epi) and once it took over, I was out like a light. I wasn't feeling the contractions and could finally get some good rest so I totally did.

I woke up around three or four hours later and although I could still feel the pressure of the contractions, I was okay pain-wise. The epi was going to be gone soon though, so the nurse debated whether or not to have the anesthesiologist give me an extra (albeit much smaller) dose to get me through. They ended up doing it, but I guess my blood pressure and the baby's heart rate increased slightly. My mother was in the room and noticed this and the nurse had me lay on my side which helped. My blood pressure was something that we had been monitoring quite a bit during the birth because it had elevated a bit a couple of times.

After just a bit, the nurse checked me and I was fully dilated so she called the doctor to have him mosey on over soon. (His office is just across the street from the hospital.) She asked if I felt the need to push and I didn't, so we waited a bit. Later she asked again, and I have to tell you the only thing I felt like I was ready to push out was a good poo, so I asked her if that meant anything which apparently it DID. Who knew? So she wanted to try some practice pushes, which was fine with me. Hey, let's get this show on the road!

To be continued...