Scattered Thoughts

Since I won't be around much, here are some scattered thoughts (a little like an early RTT if you will) to tide you over...

1. Mr. Clean likes to do the following to my pregnant belly:

• Rub it and ask if I'm smuggling watermelons.
• Rub it and say, "There's a cantaloupe in there."
• Put his hand on it in the middle of the night and feel for baby kicks. Sometimes this becomes rather uncomfortable, but I pretend I don't mind because it's so dang cute.
• Kiss my belly and talk to the baby. He usually asks her questions like, "Whatcha doin' in there?"
• Feels my belly button (which is still an inny, thank god) and asks if my "turkey timer" has popped out yet.
• Pretend to press my belly button and that, in doing so, my vagina essentially explodes and the baby comes out too. Sound effects and all.

2. I will be buying stock in Mederma. I didn't have any stretch marks up until this last month. And now that she's overdue, they've basically doubled. Thank you so much, Baby, for my newfound sexiness. Argh.

3. I keep seeing the commercial for the new Lysol soap dispenser that you don't have to touch. Their ad is all about how incredibly germy a regular soap dispenser is so why on earth would you want to touch it? Oh my god--germs!!!

Here's my line of thinking: Once you get the soap on your hands (and possibly some germs from that doggone regular soap pump), YOU WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS. And if you do it right, the germs are gone. I think people are just too fucking dumb to put the sequencing together--or incredibly germophobic.

4. If I have to see that "potty dance" commercial one more time, I may scream. Why is there some random old guy playing guitar and teaching your kids how to do the potty dance? isn't that a bit creepy? And by the way, I have DONE the potty dance and it does NOT look like that. It looks like jumping up and down with my legs crossed while I pray that I don't pee my pants. He's leaving vital parts of the dance out. That just ain't right.

5. Avert your eyes if you're allergic to TMI... Okay, you were warned. I lost my mucous plus in the wee hours of the morning (which I discovered when I went wee wee at my typical 2:30 AM time). Then I started having some mild contractions through the next couple hours but I managed to kind of sleep through them. I woke up ravenous at about 5:30 AM, had some cereal, went back to bed, tossed and turned for a bit, and finally fell back asleep. Then I woke up at 9:30 AM completely ravenous once again and also with a few mild contractions. Perhaps having contractions makes a pregnant woman hungry? Anyway, I am hoping this (the contractions part of it) means that Baby plans to come today and that I won't have to be induced after all. (Probably wishful thinking, but I'm used to the disappointment by now.)