A couple of days ago, I was leaving a Facebook message on a friend's wall. (By the way, I am ADDICTED to Facebook. It's bad. Baaaaad.) I was going to say something was "right up his alley" but I could NOT remember how to spell alley all of a sudden. At first I typed "ally" but I knew that wasn't right. So of course, I went to dictionary.com and checked and I was right--about being wrong. So typical.
So then I started thinking that, surely, alley was a word because I've been using it for decades and, for god's sake, used to even have one behind my house when I was little. How the shit do you spell it? I tried other spellings that I KNEW were wrong (allie, for example) and finally just gave up. Defeated. Okay, I am a TEACHER people. A language arts teacher. And, typically, a pretty good speller. So the fact that the spelling of this stupid little word eluded me for something like 30 minutes was ridiculous/humbling/humiliating/irritating as hell.
Finally, instead of saying that whatever it was that I was writing about was "up his alley" I had to think of something else to say. Bah! Then like, oh, 30 minutes after this whole debacle, it just POPPED INTO MY HEAD. A-l-l-E-y. Duh. Of course! Why didn't I think of that?! Oh. My. God.
I think the string of expletives that escaped my mouth at this realization would rival the length of the Great Wall. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But not really.
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Speaking of expletives and realizations, Mr. Clean and I have come to the conclusion that, at some point, Baby will arrive (SOON!) and we will have to stop cursing like sailors. Dirty, potty mouthed sailors that love to use cuss words for every part of the English language. (Need a verb? Fuck/Fucked/Fucking! Need an adjective? Fucking/Fuckable/Fuckalicious! You get my point. We love the F-bomb in this house. Fuck yeah!)
My parents are starting to figure out they, too, will have to stop cursing so much. (I get the F-bomb usage from them. I was the playground Cuss Queen in the third grade. No joke. I wish I had a crown and a sash to prove it.) I'm not sure how we will all communicate. It's going to make conversation difficult. We will actually have to THINK before speaking. The horror!
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My dog is an addict. She's addicted to dog bones. You think I'm joking, but if you try to take away her crack--er, I mean bone--she will tear your ass apart. Like good parents, we keep giving her more, feeding her addiction. I believe this is known as enabling. Yup, we're enablers. She's going to end up on "Intervention." You just wait.
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I just erased three paragraphs because they sucked and really, there was no point to what I was saying. You're welcome.
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2 comments:
Baby brain strikes again. Unfortunately, Mommy brain takes its place after the baby comes and you still can't remember the simplest things.
Ha, that's pretty sad. If you had told me you were a math teacher, I could have excused you but no. Haha, just kidding. I have lost the ability to spell since having kids. Or think. Or pee alone.
Fuckety fuck fuck. You don't have to stop altogether, just when you're in the presence of the kid(s).
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