Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Spin Cycle: Confessions

I must confess, first of all, that the Usher song "Confessions" started running through my head as soon as I read the title for this week's Spin Cycle.

Oh, but that's not my REAL confession. It's just, like, an extra. A bonus. (You're welcome!)

I could confess my absolute TERROR about becoming a mom in just a few short weeks, but I've already done that. It's still there though. It's like a teeny little monster that lives inside of me, surfacing occasionally just to drive the PANIC deeper into my soul. I really hate that monster.

So, I am going to confess how EXCITED I am that I won't have to go back to work this year. (Unless Baby makes an early appearance. She'd better not. If she tries to make an escape, I'm going to cross my legs until she gets the picture.) I hate to brag about it, and I'm really not trying to, but I am just so happy that I don't have to worry about arranging two or three weeks of daycare or try to juggle my schedule against Mr. Clean's in order to make it work out. It was an enormous relief to find out that I could just barely eek by with the amount of leave I have saved up (for this very purpose, I might add) since I became a teacher four years ago.

In the same realm, I must also confess that I have started the downhill, I-don't-give-a-rat's-ass slide that I believe many teachers fall into in the weeks before they are due. There's just this aura of "Who cares?" that seems to surround me. My students are talking? Eh. They're middle schoolers. They talk. Grading papers? I'll get to it...eventually. Meetings? Perfect time to zone out. After all, I won't be here for X, Y or Z that they're discussing anyway. But the thing is, this is totally UNLIKE me. I'm usually way into work--staying late, always caught up on grading so I can hound students about missing work, and busy being the meanest teacher in the entire school. (Okay, well I may not be the meanest, but I try.)


VandyJ said...

Totally understandable. After all you have a pretty big event coming up and it will consume you. A little zoning and looking forward to being home is just fine.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Vandy's right. I remember when I was coming up on my last month of work before Sprite and almost being indignant that they dared to make me work when "Hello! Pregnant over here?!?" You are forgiven and linked! And Mr. Clean should rub your feet. :-)

gretchen said...

Vandy's right AND Sprite's Keeper's right. Time to indulge yourself in every possible way. And AMEN to getting Mr. Clean to rub your feet!

Casey said...

Ha. I was the tech person at a high school when both of my kids were born. I still got my work done when I was pregnant but my work ethic went WAAAAAY out the window. Thankfully, nobody knew what I actually did around there so I'd leave school to grab a pedi or lunch or just go home and nap and nobody was the wiser. Ha, I'm not proud of that.

How cool that that you get the rest of the year (and entire summer) off! It will fly by though, unfortunately.

ck said...

I went through the exact same thing towards the end of both of my pregnancies. Work just kind of became the place I went to to kill time. I'm grateful I had enough sense to keep doing my job well, but when I wasn't "on" I was "off."

I also had similar panic sessions before my first was born. Don't be surprised if you have them from time to time after the baby is born too. It's normal. You've never quite experienced anything like this before, so there's nothing to compare it to. Just remember to breathe! You'll do great. (Plus having a sounding board in your blog - you'll have constant support if those times come.)

Heather said...

Confessions...great song.

So awesome (I still use that word because I'm a nerd and that's how I roll) that you won't have to go back to work until the next school year! More time to enjoy your new baby.

I think its pretty typical to panic a little (ok, sometimes a lot) with a baby on the way. I may not be a first time mom but I still panicked thinking about being responsible for two kids...actually, I still am!